Thank you for visitng the world of Gatsu,  at the tone the time will be 4:23 AM in New York city. 

=D Hi everyone I hope you guys are either winding down with school or enjoying the early parts of the holidays.  Its the best thing to be able to share a memorable moment with some one in your life and I am doing just that....so hope you all enjoy

Once apon a time there was this child that lived in a world of wonder and mystery, full of fantastic dreams and well wishes.  Apon his journey he found that there were more to this world then personal events and personal wants .  Instead the act of sharing and giving was more fullfilling then the fullfillment of ones own desire.  Given this gift he learned to love and live a life of peace, never judged by others for those included in his world were friends and people of great humility.   Through the exploration of his domain he then felt lost and bored, not ungrateful of the life he had........but he sought to find  more.....may it be truth, love, friendship or just the persuit of memories worth reliving.  Each given new moment, through the outside exploration of his bubble he gives thanks to the bounty and happiness that was given to him.  And with that we live in a time of friends, family and love ones......learning from such a child that is pure of heart we can all celebrate the true joy of the holidays.

May the world and the seasons bless you all and let there be continuous explorations of the mind body and spirit.  For only through the act of change shall we learn the true meaning of our lives and who we are to be in this grand plain we live on.


I know the ladder was a lot of gibber gabber but I just wanted to give you all an insight that i love my life and enjoy ever chance i get to meet and greet new people and surroundings.   In any case happy holidays to you all.

And an update of new york will be coming up with pictures in..........high defintion............colored pictures that we all love and yern for...........

Good night from NEW YORK and CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:42 AM New York the next day

Holy Crap I was  so drunk last night and damn i should have got this girls number that was half asian and half white................sexy....................I might sho you some pictures of me as the Professor if I have it but I am jus tto lazy right now............

I always wanted to do one of these.....

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
One on my butt o.O, got up to fast picking up soup and took some skin off with the faucet thingy....

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
A creepy holographic changing picture of Jesus looking at me...I miss my por......=P

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
An old piece of crap that will change next year, BOOO to contracts >_>

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
Trance Trance Trance *jumps around and sleeps*

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
hmmmm, let me try to remember......................nope...can't remember a thing.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Ambition and to be loved by someone I would love back.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Sex...........I am a born again monk......ey, dear god I wish I was a whore but I just can't bring myself to it.....BAH

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
I have no idea, let’s say......my monkey....

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
Girls who bath and their damned herbal shampoos and such *drools*

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
Yes, but I can handle it unless it just me and Kevin.....then that’s just hell....

11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW:
I would miss a lot of what this world has to offer...to bad I am a huge slacker ... BAH

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?:
E X E X E X E X...............what a b....

13. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
Used to be Polo Sport and those coconut body sprays from Bath and Body.......now I do not know.......some peoples BO smells nice, weird huh

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE PREFERRED SEX?
Medium length and kept. 

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
That would be an interesting change, but if a girl was to ask me I would like to be asked swimming in a lagoon with a water fall in the background...damn waterfalls are nice =D

16. DO YOU LIKE PORN?
THANK YOU KEVIN, THAnK YOU, and of course not hehe who does?

17. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD?
My Mom...too much of a black sheep to get along.

18. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
Indonesian counts for something, I guess this is it.

19. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE PREFERRED SEX)?
From what I remember I think it was a Christmas Nut Cracker....I sure hope she was not sending me a message >_>

20. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
I have no control of when or where I will fall in love again.  If it were to happen this would not be a problem.

21. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Touch them, look at them and speak the words of truth in its fullest detail.

22. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
22, Funny that this question is #22 cause that’s my favorite number, so I WIN!

23. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?
CUTE CUTE AND CUTE no preference

24. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN?
Now, my buddy Orlando(coming of a bad Relationship), My NY best friend Andy, and Kristine/Tang coming in a close third cuz I always call my girls.

25. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
Cocky people that talk down to other people, please punch them in the face ...Thank you.....

26. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
Yes, when I was Younger: Hong Kong, Brazil, Parts of Europe and of course where I was Assembled Indonesia.

27. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
Flaky like frosted flakes....need to work on that...sorry guys =*(

28. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Bandung, Indonesia

29. FIRST JOB?
Zany Brainy Kids Specialist...........toy store clerk >_> stupid titles

30. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
I think that was all of High School.

31. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
Working at the flower shop after making some arrangements...

32. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A nose job, it’s just too big...and maybe breast implants...definitely breast implants..oh wait your not suppose to know that =X

33. WHY DID YOU FILL THIS SURVEY OUT?
My Xanga buddies are evil people that influence my blogs.......

34. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
It used to be my body, but now probably how nice I am.........

35. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
I would still drink, illegal things never stopped me before teehee...

36. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
PSP for the frivolous things and a Party with friends maybe Vegas again or Europe

37. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
I think 2 is a great number and maybe a dog and a cat too who knows

38. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Well, My full name is Teddy Michael Jayadi Hamiprodjo.  And I was told that the Jayadi translate to Success, I don't know if that counts.

39. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
I used to, now I just like to sing about them...

40. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
My Index and Middle, I get so much use from them ^_^ V

41. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
Watching "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:" long story short...the movie helped me let go of some feelings I still had.

42. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
My 3rd grade level cursive RULES, it used to bug the hell of my friend Tommy...sooo loopy

43. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Pastrami, it will be the death of me....

44. ANY BAD HABITS?
I can only keep a schedule for a short time.....working on it....

45. WHAT IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING CD YOU OWN?
I don't have cds but I would say this one Nsyc cd I brought to class in high school for music time........WTF WAS I THINKING!!!!! stupid girls....

46. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes, most of my friends are similar to me,  I still believe that’s a good thing and I am sticking to it =D.

47. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
Not anymore but I was a gossip biotch in high school, the girls loved me for it =D.  Male intelligence info  =D

48. DO LOOKS MATTER?
It does to a curtain point,  I would like to be honest enough to be able to look at the person and say that I adore them and their qualities truthfully.  But beauty for me is relative, always changing....and yet people still say that I am very picky...

49. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Lost my voice, broke my hand, broke some items, drove 40 miles and ran 5miles

50. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
Amongst my friends, my family comes first until I have my own.

51. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
I think I do but it has been harder for me to do so....tentative...

52. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
My GI Joes, I can’t believe I didn’t turn out to be a war monger.   I so loved those things, and 10x more fun when you combine them with fire o.O crazy kid.......

53. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
37, such an odd number, o well

54. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
I do in some of the jokes I try to pull off.  Doesn’t always work >_<

55. EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
Yes, white guys are stupid....stupid Kevin.......Paris..... j/k

56. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
Their Smile, Eyes, cleanliness/self appearance and body(if I didn't mentioned it I would be lying) but yeah in that order...

57. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
Tedmister, Teddy Rucksbin, Ted Bundy, titty.........>_> fucking Jordan from high School

58. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Sometimes

59. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS?
Yes, I just to pay close enough attention to myself, so hell if I really know...

60. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Mocha, pistachio but  graham crackers........damn you COLD STONE

61. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
Used to be blue but now red, orange, yellow

62.HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
all of them

63. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW?
My friend Andy but seeing him soon so HELL YAY!

64. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
I wouldn't mind reading all of my friends’ dirty secrets...

65. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW
Luther Vandross I believe.......

66. Last thing u ate?
Old cold chicken curry =*(

67. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My brother Richard, just came back from China after making babies, I mean their honeymoon

69. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Their smile and their conversations

70. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Bored and excited, leaving tomorrow =D

71. FAVORITE DRINK?
Caribbean Passion with vodka OMG so freaking good.  It made Spider Man 2 the best movie of all time LOL

72. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Adios Mother Fucker, Adios M Fer, same things but damn I love to drink them and give them out to friends and girls =D fun stuff...

73.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
Baseball, playing catch and batting cages rock.  Thank Andy for that....

74. HAIR COLOR?
Dark black with gray hair already, damn Kevin and I should have a contest to see who has the most white hair.  I bet you I will win =P

75. EYE COLOR?
Brown, damn Asian genes.....

76. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
I need to, and I have reading glasses but my answer is still N O

77. SIBLINGS?
Two cheap ass older brother *kicks them in the ass*

78. FAVORITE MONTH?
No idea....December I guess, light rainy seasons are the best.

79. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
HELL YEAH, who wants to try Blow fish with me and potentially get poisoned?

80. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Kung Fu Hustle for the 2nd time.

81. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
Feb, 22, cant get enough of my number 2-22

82. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
Kind of, because I tend to give to much excuses reasoning myself out of the situation.   But  its way easier when you know something about them.

83. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Winter in So. Cali.......its a freaking hybrid I call Sumter

84. KISS OR HUGS?
Kiss with hands please........with both parties participating

85. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
Both but I still can't seem to get myself to be just a little whory.

86. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
Prove you wrong Kevin, but I am sure the buck stops here. 

87. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
No book just the newspaper.

88. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
Flower shop in Hermosa Beach, not planning to stay here just helping out.

89. WHATS YOUR MAJOR?
Economics with Digital Arts Minor....useless in my opinion but trying to work with it somehow...

90. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
King of Queens.......I sleep late and its the last thing showing b4 info-mercials

91. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
Crap it's late......ZzZzZz

I wonder sometimes if I am closing myself up to the world.  I don’t feel outwardly unhappy but extremely unfulfilled.  Is it true that misery loves company and that is the reason why I feel so lonely?  Or is it because I am ready to date again and just need to find that right girl.  Hell, I don’t even need the right girl, just someone to share and have a good time with.  I think about the future and only see the bad things, not of things concerning myself but rather the things that everyone would go through.  Who to love, what to strive for, what would make me happy... In conclusion I find it very hard to answer these questions, different from past times when I was happy and have had the notion that I actually knew the answers to these questions. 

I feel like I am in a place of solitude and maybe in preparation to emerge to something grander...But could this actually be counter productive and am I just giving too many excuses for myself.  Maybe I evaluate things and myself in too much detail and all in all the end result is that I can care for another and yet I can’t care for myself. 

What a complex to have, especially when I agree that individuals cant care for others before they can care/love themselves first...Still I try, never needing anything or do anything for myself.  Instead I reach out to others to help and enjoy the happy times with them.   But what can I do for myself and not be bored or lose interest so quickly.  What can I do to be productive and live a life that is my own?  This I do not know and remains what I believe my biggest obstacle and problem in my life.  So many opportunities have come and gone and my identity falters and remains not absolute. 

I have never thought of myself as a depressed individual and have been carefree for so long.  But with time your thoughts change and what is important to changes also or just steps out of your life.  I am not my old self nor will I ever regain that state, all I want is to feel some internal drive of some kind and this eludes me as I continue to hesitate in my attempts. 

What makes me happy has always been shared or involved others.  I don’t know what to think of this but this is what I know and how I operate.  Do I need to change, is this behavior not normal...........I just don’t know.  With friends, family, life, relationships; I have always played the mediator and compromised for my behalf or of others.  I always thought that was a good quality of myself but I begin to question it.  I have many friends and a family that cares for me...but still I feel lonely and unfulfilled with no knowledge to how I can get myself out of this rut.

Round and round I go...getting into these problematic cycles; with grades, addiction and self identity.  I just have my good days and bad, but have yet changed for the better but maybe for the worst.  I wonder sometimes if I am normal or do I have something seriously wrong with me?

My greatest fear has always been death, to take it further I may be able to say that I fear being alone or the idea of not being validated that I exist.   I am catholic man and believe in my religion, and yet I cant believe (have faith) whole heartedly for I still fear death.  Not existing in a world that has so much potential and things that one can enjoy and share and express.  Why the hell am I already opting out of it now?  Is it just a feeling or a phase, could I really be in such a depression that internally I have given up and ceased to live as my own.

I just don’t know? 

Happy Halloween everyone!

I hope everyone is getting their fill of candy and parties.  Too bad I was not able to find any

 parties this weekend.  O well, this will be a wuick update because I am just waiting for my

 anime to finish downloading.  Congrats to Scott and Orlando for their new bad by the

 beach and I will visit you guys frequently and Kevin for starting CoV.  Tang, you must be

 very busy because I can never seem to get a hold of you but that is fine and just get better.

 (ps. you are so slaving my to 99)

Alrighty Good Night

Yes, sorry for the delay but I am currently training in San Francisco so it has been very busy.  I love the fact that you guys actually read my blog, but does that mean that I would have to have insights or be witty.  Dear gawd ... is that even possible o.O Anyways it has been a long week and I can’t wait to fly/drive from San Francisco to Vegas and get my brothers bachelors party rolling.  It’s going to be such a blast, and be sure to find pictures from both the SF trip and Vegas party up soon.

On a side note I was to tell you all what happen since the last Blog entry.  Well, the big news was the fact that I will be moving to Temecula and will be operating a Gymboree Play and Music.  WTH is that you ask?  Well it’s a pre-preschool child development program that has parents and kids from 3months-5 years old learn and play together.  In turn they will develop their cognitive abilities, parent child relationship, and just be able to spend some special time together.  Damn… this training has more influential impact then I thought, sorry about that blurb. 

In any case I love San Francisco food and wish I could live here but oh wells…  I miss everyone and will see you guys sooner then later so no worries.

Till the next time I talk about non-sense, “this Teddy Hamiprodjo signing off.” (Hope someone gets this joke)